Life has come across to me as a very dark and ominous sort of figure..such as a masked man or a hooded being. The ambiguity and disorder that it creates is unsettling for me and I honestly wish to control it and just live my life without any consequences, which I know is of course a ridiculous task to undertake. However, the fact remains that I feel as if I am living in the shadow of something that could be much more. I'm sure others can relate that they do not always feel as if they are living their greatest or doing whatever is best...it just strikes me as scary that we only have one life to live and with nineteen years past the realization of the limited time alive is ever so clear.
I fear death. The sheer gravity of the fact that when we die everything is over literally makes me just want to give up...I will stay up some nights just thinking about what the void could be like, but I never want to know. I love being with my family and friends and experiencing life and being able to live. When that is taken away from me, there had better one hell of a place for me to be in..
I am a Christian, but labels are labels. I believe in Jesus Christ. BUT I have a enormously hard time accepting the fact that we will go to heaven when we die. That is the only thing I have ever doubted about my faith and of course it is the largest part of it...
Enough of talk for tonight. Discuss what you will.